When will I be a Grown-up?

So just as we are getting to know each other I go an upset  the balance...I'm a sneaky bitch like that.  Don't ever be too comfortable, bwahahahahaha.

 

I'm so dramatic.  Anyhoo...I wanted a more blog friendly atmosphere and a lot of people that used to frequent here are no longer here they are there.  So now I am there.

 

Please, please come visit :)

Ummm...so I'm thinking that you all must be super bored and I'm incredibly dumb.  You guys must speak multiple languages because when I go to your sites I look for the translator button and there isn't one?  WTF.  Thanks peeps I needed more self esteem issues. 

 

So in case you are wondering here are some things in the US that I will not live without and you can tell me if you have them in your country!!

 

1-Dunkin Donuts-hands down kicks Starbucks ass.  I buy the coffee for my house too.  I've been addicted since I was a little girl when my Mom used to take me there and I would watch the guy make the donuts through a window. 

 

2-TiVo-I'm pretty sure this is international but, just in case you didn't know I am a TV junkie.

 

3-Netflix-see number 2...also a movie freak

 

4-The Limited-I love this store so much I want to marry it and have lots and lots of its babies and I don't like being pregnant

 

5-Runescape-now I know this is international but, I could not live without it as my 12 year old is addicted to it and therefore leaves me alone!!  I am mom of the year I know...

 

6-Target-Do they have Target in France??  Well they should if they don't.  I may have to seriously join a support group, it's a problem.

 

7-Sonic-have you ever had a Chili Frito Wrap??  Um yeah no so good for the heart but, sooooooo fucking yummy.

 

I'm sure there are more but, they revolve around shopping and food so you get the idea :) 

ABC, you suck.  You know you got me all hot and and sweaty over last night's Lost and THEY DIDN'T EVEN DO IT.  I mean I know it's network TV and you can't get all F/X dirty on us, but shit at least let me use my imagination!!  But, no Sawyer and Kate did not do it.  They make you think for a second that they did and I was fully prepared to take what I could and turn it into dirty, dirty sex.  Then, then (!) the next morning you find out no, they did not get nakkie.  Sigh, then she gets up all stupid and leaves.  I now am over Kate.  Clearly she's mentally challenged and I wish I wasn't so damn obsessed with this show.   I would ban it on principle but, then I'd miss seeing my Sawyer every Thurs.   Though watching that dude from The Tudors looks very promising AND it's on cable!!  Mmmmm....

 

God I have it bad for Sawyer....tomorrow night at 9pm do not bother calling...there is a promised loved scene and fucking ABC better deliver!!!

 

 

 

I knew I missed one!!

 

Don't get into a fight with your ginormous breasted BFF. 

 

If you are wondering, I totally won. 

 

First off it was awesome!!  Second, what a bunch of pussies.  A small group that got in on Friday went out for drinks like I mentioned.  I got home early and was in bed at 2am.  My baby who may be the spawn of satan himself promptly got up earlier than she has in months at 6:30am.  Yep that's 4.5 hours of sleep.  I did take a nap with her but, have the most annoying habit of not really being able to nap so I slept maybe an hour.  So that is now a whopping 5.5hrs of sleep.  Somewhere around 11am my whore of a bff calls me FROM HER FUCKING BED.  I hate that cunt.  But, at least she knows how to party even if she did earn the nickname, "drunk obnoxious twat." 

 

Sat. aka the BIG night.  The B2B is bitching about being tired and how she wants to be back at the hotel by midnight.  We have to order coffee after dinner for all the old ladies.  The majority of the bitches there are around 35-36 and all have zero kids.  They all got twice as much sleep as me...wtf?  I go to the bar and order a shot, and have a cigarette while they sip coffee.  We drag them to a dance club for typical bachlorette shinanagins...Lori is recently single and forgets this is a night for her long time friend and constantly has to be dragged from one douche bag or the other.  It starts to annoy me.  Midnight half the party leaves to order pizza and put on jammies...pussies.  Little by little they all end up leaving the dance floor until it's just me and Lori (and previously mentioned douche #3).  The club closes and DB#3 and his friend want to walk us to the hotel across the street, whatever.  Lori is making out in the elevator DB#3's friend and I are eyeing each other uncomfortabley (I am repeating rules from last post in my head).  We get to our floor where I remind Lori that the old ladies are asleep in our room but, she does not care.  She wants to drink more and wants the boys to come in...I am trying to be the voice of reason but, damn she is housed.  She can't find the booze and starts bangin gon the other 2 rooms of girls to find some.  THEY ARE ALL ASLEEP.  I think it might be 3am.  Security obviously used to such behavior demands we all go in our rooms.  At this point DB#3 finally gets uncomfortable and leaves.  Lori is livid.  She nor I till this day really know why...she wants to smoke in our room and I won't let her.  She is going outside and can't find her purse and then it is on.  Me in my jammies already am over it and want to sleep, I know her purse is somewhere but, know that I and she are too drunk to ever find it.  She starts banging on the doors again, starts turning on our lights and just being a twat.  I snapped.  I have no idea what I said to her but, I think it was something like, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  "NOONE GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOUR PURSE!!"  She got mad at me and left, ha!  Just what I wanted, the bed to myself!!!  Thank god it didn't turn physical..she'd crush me like a bug.  My other friend told me that she came in their room and cried herself to sleep.  It's what she deserved though, damn!  The next morning she apologized and all was well...oh and I "accidentally"ended up with some chicks straightening iron, wonder how that happened????? 

 

Drunked pix as promised...

 

 

 

 

Well, techinically 2.5 days...here's a not to secret secret about me...I fucking love to go out.  Seriously, I'm going to be that old bitch in the bar embarrassing herself and rubbing down 20 year old's and growling, "Mama like..."  Oh wait that was last week...

 

But, oh the torture of the next day...now if I go out on a Friday night I spend the next day ALL ALONE.  Kevin works on Saturdays and while that frees me up to watch all the Sweet Sixteen I can handle, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks!!!!!!!!!!!  Saturdays are better but, then I have to do homework the next day hungover and that never ends well.  It ususally goes do a little work, lay down, make cookies, eat them all, order chinese, eat it all, do a little work, take a shower to brighten up, take a nap, and now it's 9pm.  I'm halfway done and I say fuck it.   But, this weekend is going to be different!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The party is in my town which is perfect as I can't trust DB to take care of the baby.  Yes, DB is his nickname and yes it stands for douchebag (yes www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com is my fav and no we aren't on there).  Friday night is a "get together" at my BFF Lori's house.   It is not supossed to turn into a drunken puke-fest but, you never know...I will not get hammered (I mean it this time!) because DB does have to work and Sat. night is supossed to be the puke-fest!  We have a few hotel rooms uptown and it's going to be legen-dary!  Here are a few reminders I am writing down for myself:

 

1-Do NOT make out with strangers and freak out the B2B (bride to be, duh)

2-Do NOT talk about how Goddamn hard marriage is

3-Do NOT talk about how Goddamn hard kids are

4-Do NOT pretend to be sick so you can sleep an entire night BY YOURSELF!!

5-Do NOT get suckered by DB's freak out that is inevitably going to happen

6-DO get drunk way early so you are incapable of driving home, "just to check on them."  He sucks but, he won't LITERALLY kill the children.

 

I really, really am tempted by #4!  Lots of sloppy drunked pix to come I'm sure!

15 months people and it is so. on.

 

It's like, oooohhh right I remember this...the back is arched and I place her gently on the floor, step over her and say I know life sucks.  She is red and screaming at the top of her lungs, lol.  I am handling the tantrum right that day.  I wish I could be like that everyday with both kids...Sometimes I am incapable of ignoring the attitude or the screaming.  Sometime I even scream back or say you are so gay(ok not really but, he KNOWS I'm thinking it).  This is where that "not quite grownup" thing comes into play.  I'm working on it though...something about admitting it is the first step??

 

Stella has been doing really cute things that make me want to talk about her to people...even people that don't have kids.  We all know that those people don't care but, we feel the need to tell them anyway.  Like somehow they will decide to like kids because damn your kid is just that cute.  Anyway since I know you guys care listen up!  She wants to be read to...like all the time.  When I say "read to"  I mean turn the pages and point at them.  She knows that a duck says. "quack, quack" and I'll be damned but, toddlers must like ducks because there is a duck in 3 out of 4 of her books!  So she really just wants to get to the duck part of the book which cracks me up.  We flip, flip, flip and stop on the duck to comment, oh, oh!  Quack, quack, quack (while pointing and looking adorable).  Then we will flip a page or two, flip back to the duck and repeat the comments.  When we get to the end of the book she all but flings/shoves the book IN YOUR FACE.  If you aren't ready you could loose an eye, for real.  This motion apparently means, "again please" in toddlernese.  So while the big nerd part of me LOVES that she is already way more interested in books than Mason ever was, another part of me is hiding the books under the couch so I can just pee!!